Dear Nancy: Since the pandemic, I have felt overwhelmed by many aspects of my life snowballing out of my control. I worked long hours and bent over backwards to follow the rules of preventing COVID-19, but ultimately I had to swallow my pride and let go of my business. That failure has left a massive debt hanging over my head, which has pulled me into a dark place. The distress I feel wakes me up in the middle of the night, so I have turned to alcohol to get some relief. Now, I find that my go-to coping method is drinking. I do it by day to manage and limit my anxiety, and at night I find it’s the only thing that stops me from overthinking. However, when I wake up in the morning, I feel depressed and unhealthy. I desperately want to get my life back and hang out with friends, but I feel ashamed of myself. Somehow they were all able to succeed during the pandemic while my life has dwindled to nothing. When I am alone at night, dreading the next day, I know I have a problem. But how can I change my circumstances when it feels like the odds are stacked against me? Sincerely, Feeling Stuck.

Dear Feeling Stuck:

I hear the pain in your voice, yet I sense your desire to reclaim your life. The good news is, by taking little actions every day, you can feel success again. First, consider the people or situations that trigger your addiction. While the debt may take time to pay off, perhaps you can discover some creative possibilities by reaching out to a debt relief company. Knowing your options can lessen your anxiety without relying on a drink. You could also replace your addiction with a pastime that brings you peace. Throw out the alcohol and transfer your attention to a support group or a team sport. When you’re feeling depressed, try taking a walk or watching a TV show that makes you laugh and inspires you. If talking to your friends doesn’t feel accessible right now, perhaps caring for a pet or even sitting in a park watching others live full out could charge your social battery. Alternatively, if talking about yourself is what makes you feel uncomfortable, you can always turn the focus back onto the other person. Ask more questions about their life if you don’t want to get into detail about yours. Being honest with your group might feel better than you think. What if they admit that they have been struggling, too? Who’s to say your friends wouldn’t support you? I recommend keeping an open mind because being with your friends might remind you that not all is lost and your friendships are perfectly intact. When you take action by focusing on activities that bring you happiness, you get unstuck and begin filling your life with hope and possibility.

Dear Nancy:

With all of the weight I’ve put on recently, I feel ashamed when I look in the mirror. I have tried tons of workout plans, but when I get on the scale and the number is the same, I get so frustrated that I just give up. Quitting leaves me feeling even worse about myself and totally out of options. My clothes don’t fit anymore, but I’m worried that if I go up a size, I’ll never come back down. I would love to hang out with friends or try online dating sites, but with the way that I look, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be seen with me in public. Worst of all, to manage the sadness and self-hatred I feel, I turn to food for comfort. How do I start losing weight for good so that I can finally have my life back?

Sincerely, Heavy Heart.

Dear Heavy Heart:

I want to assure you that I do understand your struggle. I have also found it frustrating to try and lose weight over the years, but I sense that your determination is as strong as mine, and I believe you can do it. The best way to stay motivated is to have an end goal in mind. Try visualizing yourself 30 pounds lighter, smiling brightly and more energetic. Perhaps you envision yourself feeling confident in clothes you’ve always longed to wear, a romantic partner by your side. Now that we have the future “you” in mind, let’s work backwards. First, let’s pick a method for you to lose weight. Perhaps you need accountability, and someone who holds your feet to the fire, such as a fitness instructor or weight loss meetings. Alternatively, you might do better with educational books or videos, which could teach you about the food groups you can eat to fight fatigue and start an exercise program. If none of these strategies work, you might need to look for some medical advice. A doctor may be able to tell you if thyroid issues or sleep apnea are affecting your weight loss journey. As you consider your options, let’s start the process of getting you on a dating app. Keep in mind, not all pictures have to show your full body. Perhaps you take only headshots, or maybe there are pictures of you having fun with friends. From there, it’s about writing a profile that shines a light on your inner beauty. Remember to keep the faith; you’re just looking for one special person who loves you for who you are. As you engage with your workouts and search for this potential partner, stay intentional by keeping your eye on your goals. Try creating a vision board with places you would love to visit, or fashions you’d like to try. Once you have your “why,” it becomes so much easier to whip on your shoes and start walking. So get excited: your future self is waiting to greet you with open arms.

Dear Nancy:

Since suffering an injury that has caused me agonizing, chronic pain, all that I have worked for in my 15-year career is slipping through my fingers. Management at my former job discredited the struggle I faced, and I am afraid that other jobs will also fail to acknowledge my needs. I could go back to school, but starting completely over from scratch at my age is overwhelming, and the threat of student loan debt is too much to bear. I’m very worried because all I see are entry level jobs that will not pay my bills. I feel lost, and I’m not even sure what my next move should be. How do I find a new career now that my injury has changed my life forever?

Sincerely, Lost.

Dear Lost:

As someone who has also made difficult career changes due to a disability, I know how unsettling it can be to start over when your world is turned upside down. However, one spark of inspiration is often all it takes to begin a new chapter of your life. Consider getting motivated by picking up a book you connect with, like a self-help guide or memoir by a person you admire. Hold that book tight with both hands, and let the words anchor you. When you feel defeated, sometimes an encouraging story reminds you not all is lost, especially when you have so much inner potential. Plenty of businesses out there need someone with your talents. Try tapping into what makes you stand out from the crowd. Maybe you’re a team player who is great at leading meetings. Perhaps you’re a critical thinker who can crack the code on the most challenging of problems. If you still struggle to recognize your special skills, a career test can help you hone in on your strengths. When you peel back the layers of yourself with all of your natural abilities, you will see you are a great candidate for many different positions. Now that you have identified what you have to offer, find job descriptions that seem like a good fit and pique your interest. Check out people on LinkedIn with similar work experience, and notice what extra certifications they have completed that you may want to pursue. You might also go to networking events in your area. Sometimes talking with other professionals is helpful after you’ve been stuck in front of your computer filling out applications all day. Perhaps you’ll meet someone with a job title you’ve never heard of before, and they can give you insight into an inspiring new occupation. As you take these action steps toward your new career, remember you already have everything inside you to be successful. Trust yourself and take the leap: An amazing new career is waiting for you just on the horizon.

Dear Nancy:

Lately my nights alone have felt so quiet, and I lay in bed feeling sad over past relationships and wondering if I’ll ever find love. It seems like everyone in my life is in a relationship, but I can’t click with anyone. Scrolling through dating apps makes me feel even more hopeless because I just don’t find anyone interesting or attractive. Maybe I’m being oversensitive, but when I go out with my friends or even at work, everyone is talking about future weddings or trips they’re going to take with their kids while I sit in silence just wishing I could disappear. As I’m getting older, I’m afraid my only companion will be my dog. I realize that I put my career ahead of these future wishes, and I regret that I can’t go back in time. How do I put myself out there and create the life I now know I want?

Sincerely, Missed the Boat.

Dear Missed the Boat:

I can tell by your words how sad it makes you to hear others talking about their relationships. I’m sure it’s crushing to know all you have to offer but not feel a spark with anyone. I encourage you to consider the unique qualities that make you special. Journal a list of your strongest attributes, like aspects of your personality or how you’ve built a successful career. Keep these traits in mind when creating your dating profile, and you will naturally radiate confidence. The way you see yourself will make a huge difference in the types of people you attract, and you will draw in people who match your energy. It’s okay to be picky, but when it comes to matters of the heart, remember to keep an open mind. You’re constantly changing as you move through life. The people you date in your 20s are going to be completely different than who you date in your 40s because you’re evolving. Trust the process and be excited about everything you’ve accomplished so far. I understand how frustrating it must be to have devoted so much time to your career and now wish you could turn back the clock and do things differently when it comes to starting a family. But remember, it’s not only spouses and kids that make up a “family.” Pets, friends, or members of a particular faith can make up a loving family. Your dog certainly already believes this. There are also ways to have kids in your life without being a biological parent. You can volunteer for an organization that works with children, or you might meet a partner who has kids of their own who can become part of your family. Who you are now is exactly who you’re meant to be. Your romantic partner will enter your life at the right time and will be proud of the successful career you’ve built and the person you have become.

Dear Nancy:

I find myself feeling overwhelmed with anger and desperation because of my chronic pain. I was in a car accident that left me with constant aching in my lower back, and lately I’m just so exhausted because my pain is ruining my life. I can’t focus at work without being irritated by my agony. I hesitate to travel on a plane because I’m afraid the pain is going to be too much to handle. Most of all, I don’t date because I never have the energy to put myself out there, and I know I can’t be charming if I’m preoccupied by my aching back. How do I stop letting my pain keep me from enjoying life to the fullest?

Sincerely, Will It Get Better.

Dear Will It Get Better:

It sounds like your pain is running your life, and I want to help you take your power back. When you’re constantly feeling distracted by tension in your body, it’s easy to become frustrated with life, but don’t lose hope. Start with small changes that will alleviate some pain. At your job, consider finding a new chair that provides better back support. A standing desk might also relieve any tightness. You could try implementing a pre-work stretching regimen or yoga routine to reduce pain and put you in a strong mental state. Your pain will be less of a distraction and you will focus better at work if you are resourceful with what you can control. I also understand how upsetting it can feel to be too fearful to do the things you desire, like travel on a plane. I know you’re capable of conquering your anxiety, and the best way to start is by making a plan. Perhaps consult your doctor about whether there is medication you can take that’ll relieve your pain for the length of a flight. Investigate the best seating options with more leg room or easy access to walk around if you need to. Having a strategy for traveling on a plane will make your worries about the pain more manageable. You can even apply the same mindset when it comes to dating. You might think you won’t be your best self on a date because you’ll be too focused on your pain, but these are future assumptions. Maybe the person you go out with will relate to your condition or offer insightful advice. The date also doesn’t have to be long and stiff. It could be a video call or a walk to grab coffee. Pick a situation that will physically work with your body so you can enjoy yourself more. Your chronic pain doesn’t have to define who you are. Look at it as an opportunity to adopt new routines or find an inspiring support group of people who have gone through it, too. Remember, it’s mind over matter, and you’re amazing and capable of living the life you want.

Dear Nancy:

Lately I’ve been feeling used by others and robbed of my time. I’m tired of people walking all over me. I’m a single mom and I’m sick of having to fake niceties with the father of my daughter just so he’ll continue to provide support. My coworkers are starting to get on my last nerve because they take advantage of my willingness to help and ask me for favors they could easily do themselves, knowing I won’t turn them down. It’s exhausting being a people-pleaser, and I’m worried I’ll be a doormat for the rest of my life. How can I finally put my foot down and stand up for myself?

Sincerely, Tired of Pleasing.

Dear Tired of Pleasing:

I can hear in your voice that you’re at the end of your rope. You want to help people but are feeling deflated at the same time. When you’ve been saying “yes” to people your whole life, it’s difficult to stand your ground. “No” may feel uncomfortable because it’s not familiar to you, so maybe try polite phrases like “Not right now” or “This isn’t a good time.” You might feel you owe it to your coworkers to help them otherwise they’ll be stuck in a bind, but your boundaries are also worthy of respect. The next time a colleague asks for assistance, you can quickly explain or show them what to do without actually spending the time on it by yourself, giving them the opportunity to be resourceful on their own. This will allow you to leave work at a reasonable hour and get home to your daughter. Along the parenting lines, I sense there’s a lot of bottled up anger and resentment for being unable to speak honestly with your daughter’s father because you need his support. Consider journaling or venting to a trusted friend to flush out these strong emotions. This will release pent up frustration and by purging the negative feelings in your mind, you’ll likely see the root of the problem more clearly and find a productive solution. Maybe you’ll discover taking the father to court is what will give you a more structured partnership. Remind yourself that at the end of the day, you’ll feel stronger when you put your foot down. If you’re afraid you’ll be judged or let people down when you speak up, come prepared to defend yourself. Fully expressing your point of view will give you more confidence in standing your ground. When you establish your limits and only take on what you can handle, you’ll feel relieved and have more personal time for your daughter or to start new hobbies. Taking the first step toward being more strong-willed is challenging, but be proud of the daughter you’ve raised and the career you’ve built and you’ll feel a new sense of empowerment.

Dear Nancy:

Lately I’ve been sad and worried about how my brother’s dating life is affecting his young kids. He is divorced and frequently brings home different women, which I’m afraid sends the wrong message about monogamy and sensationalizes being non-committal. I’m feeling torn over how to respect my brother’s boundaries when it comes to his relationships, but as the aunt to his children, I want to show his kids what a loving, committed relationship looks like and the value of that companionship. What is the most effective way for me to convey my concerns about my brother’s choices? How can I teach my niece and nephew about healthy romantic relationships without trying to be their mom?

Sincerely, Wishing I Could Do More.

Dear Wishing I Could Do More:

I completely understand that it’s hard to just sit back and watch your brother carelessly expose his children to his dating life. Confrontation between siblings can be tricky, but if you approach it in the right way, he’ll be able to see your perspective. Try not to come at him with accusations of what he’s doing wrong and what he should be doing instead. This will only make him shut down and not listen to what you’re saying. First, acknowledge his good qualities and how you admire his strength as a single father. Go into the conversation keeping in mind your brother’s point of view, emphasizing that you are family and will support him no matter what. Then you can gently remind him how his kids are watching and looking up to him as their only parent and role model. You can express how it may be confusing having his kids watch him bring home a different woman or call a variety of ladies every week, and he may want to question if that is setting the best example.

You can use a similar mindset when it comes to your niece and nephew. The best way to help young children understand what a loving relationship looks like is to compare it to characters in their favorite movie or book. If your niece and nephew have a beloved superhero they look up to, you can talk them through the story of how that character falls in love and ask if it made them happy to see a relationship like that. This will teach them to look for similar kinds of healthy partnerships in other stories and teach them to aspire to have a caring relationship that lasts. You can also explain how you love their dad unconditionally and he’s a great person, but if they ever need help or want to talk to someone, you will be there like a mom. The key is that you aren’t trying to be their mother, but you are making sure they know you are someone they can come to for anything. When you reach out from a place of love and respect, your brother and his kids will appreciate how much you care for them.

Dear Nancy:

As the holidays are approaching, I’ve been feeling sadder and lonelier than usual. I’m 72 and got divorced 20 years ago. I can’t help but wonder what life would look like if my marriage never ended or if I had found someone years ago who would be my loving companion now. Although I have two grown children, they live far away and have their own busy lives, so sometimes I feel like they have forgotten about me. I can keep myself busy during the day with gardening, shopping, taking care of my cats, or seeing friends, but I admit the nights are when I feel most alone. I just wish I had someone to enjoy my evenings with. I’m afraid and worried that I will be spending every holiday by myself. How can I stop feeling so abandoned, hopeless, and like I will be alone for the rest of my life?

Sincerely, Feeling So Alone.

Dear Feeling So Alone:

I can tell by your words that your feelings of loneliness bring you deep sadness. I completely understand how scary it can feel to wonder if you will spend every night by yourself. But the thing is, one can be lonely even in a room full of people. The key to not feeling so isolated, especially in the evenings, is finding distractions. Try out activities that will take your mind away from thoughts of loneliness. At night, consider reading a fiction book you can lose yourself in. Perhaps watching a TV series or listening to a podcast with many episodes can become part of your evening ritual – you may even be excited to have that time for yourself. Even putting on your favorite music while you do chores or make dinner can fill up the silence and boost your mood. While you might not spend every holiday with your family, it doesn’t mean you have to be alone. Consider opening up your friendship circle by looking for more people in the same boat as you. Other women in your neighborhood might not have a significant other or relatives who live nearby either, and you can search for fellow cat lovers or gardeners via social groups. Maybe even consider taking up a new hobby; you could join a pottery class or book club. Finding new people to connect with will give you supportive friends who feel like family. Also try to remember that people aren’t mind readers. Your children might not be aware of how lonely you are if you’ve never expressed your feelings to them. Maybe call up your kids and just share your feelings of emptiness. Even if they’re busy, find out if you can plan to spend time together. If the holiday season doesn’t work out, make arrangements to join them another time. When you’re open and honest with your loved ones, you will feel lighter knowing that your emotions have been heard. You can take your power back, overcome feelings of solitude, and have fun!

Dear Nancy:

I recently lost my 11-year-old Labrador, Bo, because of a heart issue, and I feel like I’m missing a huge part of my life. Bo was my loyal companion for so long, and my days feel empty without him by my side. It’s been hard to sleep at night, especially with his dog bed on the floor next to mine. I just can’t bring myself to get rid of it because kneeling down and smelling it gives me comfort and makes me feel like he’s still in my arms. I can’t help but wonder if I had just paid for surgeries or extensive testing to extend Bo’s life, maybe he would still be here with me. I feel even sadder when I see a show or hear a song we used to watch or listen to together. I don’t even know what to do with all of Bo’s treats and food that I still have in the garage. My friends and family have tried to support me through this, but no one can replace my best friend, Bo. I am so sad and I’m not sure how to stop the pain.

Sincerely, Missing Bo.

Dear Missing Bo:

I completely understand how devastating it is to lose a pet who has been by your side for so many years. While it may feel like you’re never going to stop crying, try to think about how Bo wouldn’t want to see you so sad. Instead of wishing you could have done more to extend Bo’s life, try to focus on the amazing 11 years you gave him. I know Bo was adored and had such a special personality, but now he is at peace and his heart is perfect. He is in a place where he can have unlimited treats and go for countless walks. It is also okay to hold onto his bed and food for as long as you need to, but you might consider ways you can honor Bo. You can give him a legacy by bringing his treats and food to a shelter in need of supplies. Paying it forward will help another lucky dog live the happy life that you gave Bo.

Even if you aren’t ready to retire his bed, maybe move it into the closet and instead keep something smaller around, like his leash or collar. This can be your new way of remembering him and having him close to your heart. When the time feels right, you could consider getting a new pet to fill the loneliness you are experiencing. No dog can take Bo’s place, but it sounds like you were a great fur parent, and there might be another loyal buddy who could use your love. The sadness you feel now will fade with time but know that Bo will always be in your heart. Be proud and cherish the fact that you had such a special connection.

Dear Nancy:

I feel like I’m stuck on a hamster wheel and can’t get off. I’m a single mom struggling to make ends meet to provide for my daughter. Her dad is completely out of the picture, and while I have a little help from friends and family, their support is sparing since they live far away. I’m constantly disciplining my kid and entertaining her while keeping up with my part-time job. I feel guilty because I love my daughter and want to be the best mom I can, but I’m exhausted and lonely. Sometimes I daydream about what life would have been like if I never got pregnant and how much easier things would be. I’m tired of carrying the burden of being a single parent and needing to be responsible all the time. How can I manage to be a good mom while also getting the chance to live my own life before it passes me by?

Sincerely, Lonely Mom.

Dear Lonely Mom:

I can hear how exhausted and stressed you are raising your daughter by yourself. It sounds like you have energetically given everything to your daughter so she can grow, and you’re burning the candle at both ends. A way to help manage your time is maintaining a daily routine. Try to schedule meals, chores, fun activities, and bedtime. Sticking to a consistent regimen will allow you to feel more organized, and your daughter will be more secure knowing what to expect each day.

I know you’re longing for a break and a chance to just relax and it’s hard when you have to put your daughter first. Finding your inner Zen will feel rejuvenating and help you be more present with your child. This can come from creating an environment that brings you peace. Lighting your favorite candles and playing soothing music in your house can make you feel grounded even when your daughter is crying or needing attention. Consider finding support groups for single parents so you can connect with other moms who know what you’re going through. You can even start setting up group playdates, which would alleviate the pressure of entertaining your daughter by yourself.

I also recognize how you’re feeling guilty over whether you made the wrong decisions, or maybe you wonder if you’re being a good parent. Journaling can be a way to flush out the pain you’re feeling. When you release pent-up frustrations, you will feel lighter and have more patience with your daughter. Consider creating a vision board for your future goals. You can include things you want to experience with your daughter as she gets older. Staying plugged into your dreams will allow you to see the positives of your situation. You can take back control over your life and feel empowered as a single mom, and you will have a rejuvenated passion for your own life as well.

Dear Nancy:

Three years ago, I was in a devastating car accident that changed my life. The severity of the wreck badly burned my entire body with most of the damage done to my face. My right arm had to be amputated below my elbow. I feel like my life now is a constant uphill battle full of navigating doctors’ appointments, relearning how to do simple tasks, and getting disgusted looks constantly. Leaving my house seems impossible when I get stared at during every interview and never get the job. I want employers to see who I am, but I feel trapped behind my scars, screaming to be heard. I feel like a coward. I’m itching to get out of my skin, and I do everything I can to hide my burns, but I’m still horrified with how I look. Because of this, dating has been a complete mess. I look in the mirror and can’t imagine someone ever being attracted to me. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who loves me for who I am. I feel severed from my old life, watching everyone get married and have kids. I genuinely believe I’ve been cursed to be alone forever. How can I improve my self-esteem when it feels like everyone is repulsed by me?

Sincerely, Feeling Hopeless.

Dear Feeling Hopeless:

I hear your pain — just know that you can take all the time you need to grieve. It is human nature to feel angry and to mourn the loss of who you once were. Try to find the silver lining by being grateful that you survived such a severe accident. I realize that it can be petrifying to not recognize yourself, especially when other people are constantly staring. However, strangers you encounter aren’t mind readers — they don’t know you or your story. Instead of hiding from them, try to smile and give kindness back to people. Show them the parts of you that truly matter.

Also, keep in mind that tragedies can truly be our greatest gift. I understand the shame you feel, but know that overcoming trauma is inspirational. You can begin by telling your story to a potential employer, allowing you to take back power over your accident and control the narrative. I know how overwhelming it can feel to work with a disability, but I have learned that bosses want to hire the best candidate and your physical injuries do not outshine your qualifications. Being vulnerable can be a necessary outlet to heal and will assist you in connecting with others on job interviews and dates. When you find a way to be confident with your burns, you will attract people who admire your strength. The right people are going to see and accept all of you. At the end of the day, the opinion you have of yourself matters the most. When you take the steps to be bold, you will see a more genuine and courageous person in the mirror.

Dear Nancy:

Lately, I have been feeling betrayed and like my heart is constantly breaking. I am 42 years old and have been trying desperately to build a connection with my younger brother, but no matter what I do, I feel like our relationship just gets worse. He hasn’t made the best decisions in life with how he treats his friends, and he is constantly moving from one fling to the next. I truly just want the best for him, but whenever I offer advice he gets defensive and it seems like I only push him away. It has gotten so bad that now he leaves me angry voicemails and is even gossiping about me to others. I wish there was some way we could be closer, but I really don’t know what to do anymore. Should I just give up on having a relationship with him or stick it out and hope things improve?

Sincerely, Wishing We Could Be Closer.

Dear Wishing We Could Be Closer:

I can hear in your voice that repairing a relationship with your brother is very meaningful for you. You see your brother struggling and, being the older sibling, it is normal for you to want to try to fix his problems. However, when people are not where they want to be in life, or when they fail to meet their goals, it can make them grumpy and defensive. Perhaps the reason your brother responds to your well-intentioned advice with anger and hostility is because he’s insecure about his place in the world and lashing out at others is his way of protecting himself. It is easier and less painful to deflect hurt onto others than to look at our own actions and decisions. Next time, instead of offering advice directly, try giving some soft suggestions. Asking some small questions that build on one another is a great way to get your brother talking and allows him subtly to come up with his own ideas for positive change.

Now, I can tell the possibility of completely closing your brother out is weighing heavy on your heart. Cutting someone from your life can feel like you’re losing a part of yourself, but who says it must be all or nothing? Sometimes in order to maintain our relationships we need to have boundaries in place. This can start with placing limits on how you communicate with one another. If you’ve noticed that talking face to face can be overbearing, perhaps shifting to only phone calls or texting would be better for you. Having safeguards can allow you to care for yourself while also sustaining that lifeline. Decreasing his access to your time and energy will allow him to realize the effects his actions have on others. Keeping your brother at arm’s length may not be the ideal relationship you envisioned, but there is always the opportunity for improvement. Perhaps seeing you pull away is just the wakeup call he needs to jumpstart his self-reflection and finally bring you two closer.

Dear Nancy:

My husband and I desperately wanted a baby, and we tried for many years. I felt we were running out of options, so we reached the decision to adopt. After mentoring a foster child, we learned that we were in line to adopt a baby; however, in the eleventh hour, the parents changed their minds. Our hearts were crushed. As our hope wore thin, we finally got the chance to adopt a two-year-old girl.

I loved being a mom. Making her school lunches, taking her to dance practice; I looked forward to guiding our daughter into adult life. As she got older, she began to realize that she was different from us — she is Hispanic and we are Caucasian. By sixteen, she started on a quest to find her mother and her original family. She is very drawn to her birth family. Although I knew this day would come, I hoped she would cherish our bond. Now, at eighteen, she told us that she wants to spend her time with her new-found relatives.

My husband struggles in his own way with his emotions, but I feel like a failure. I had dreams of seeing her through college, marriage, and the birth of our grandchild. Now, we don’t know if she will ever spend a holiday with us again. I feel lost without her, wondering if she will ever come back.

Signed, Feeling Abandoned.

Dear Feeling Abandoned:

I can hear the pain you are feeling, memories of bonding with your child through daily life, watching her get on the school bus for the first time, all those treasured moments. After skinned knees and teenage crushes, you must feel she has replaced you with the birth family and the mother who gave her up. But remember, you and your husband found her at two years old. You gave her a beautiful childhood in a safe, secure, and loving home. Where would that child be if not for you and your husband? You walked with her, from soothing her broken heart to cheering her on as she found her footing in life. You gave her confidence to strike out on what must have been a bold decision to seek and find her heritage. You became the parent you wanted to be.

Ironically, your daughter cried because she felt abandoned; now you have shed your own tears, feeling abandoned by her. Kids try their wings and fly. Your daughter became curious and ventured out to find her roots. Some kids try drugs or alcohol. At her age, she’s getting a sense of who she is. Be ready for her to come back to the safe, welcoming home base you gave her and share what she has been discovering. You took the first steps of her journey with her; let her find herself. Be proud of the mom that you are and keep those future dreams with your grandkids in your heart; they will come true.

Dear Nancy:

I suffer from multiple sclerosis. At 46, I spend most of my day in bed. I went from a cane to a walker to a scooter. Sadly, I have a hard time doing anything on my own. I need help getting to the bathroom and taking showers. I can no longer drive. As a result, I’ve lost any real sense of independence I had. My kids are now adults living their own lives. I’m grateful that they grew up before the disease started affecting me, but I’m still their mom and it’s heartbreaking. I can’t make a special dinner for them or join them for an outing without a ton of help. I mostly feel like a burden to my family. I lie awake, afraid of what will happen in the future. Will I get so bad that I need to go to assisted living? Would anyone come to visit me?

When I’m on social media, I don’t tell people how bad things are. I can almost interact as a normal person. For those closest to me, there’s no denying what is coming. Although they don’t say anything, they wonder how bad it will get.

Not so long ago, I was a vibrant person, full of life. I took my kids on hiking trips, drove them to sporting events, and planned birthday celebrations. I can’t seem to find the strength to move forward knowing that things will get worse.

Signed, Feeling Like a Burden.

Dear Feeling Like a Burden:

I’m sure that even before your diagnosis you put the needs of others first. You will always be a great mom in your children’s eyes. But it may be time to focus on the ways you can be proactive in taking control over your life, especially the things that trouble you about your future.

If your disease progresses and an assisted living facility is the best choice, there are several options and you have a say about the type of facility, where, and when. For example, you could live in a group home, or you could move to an apartment designed to accommodate disabilities. The move might give you an opportunity to help older residents and restore the sense of purpose you feel is lost. If you choose to remain at home, you can hire a home health nurse, caregiver, or a volunteer who will come in and help. With support, you might find that you could turn your bedroom into an office and do a part-time remote job, or you could host a small support group for others who struggle with a disability. Also, being more forthcoming with your disability on social media could strengthen your connections, helping others to feel comfortable sharing their own struggles.

There are ways for those of us who deal with limitations to contribute. It’s important that we think beyond our regrets and fears, looking at the future with a sense of ownership over the decisions and the possibilities.

Sincerely, Nancy

Dear Nancy:

I recently found out that my business partner has been sabotaging me and our company. I thought I had made a good decision bringing him on board, but I’m second-guessing my ability to read people. I was deceived so easily and I feel like my trust in myself is on the verge of
shattering. My partner constantly talks up opportunities and connections that made me feel confident about my faith in him, but none have come through. He always reassured me that important tasks would be taken care of only for me to find out nothing had been accomplished. Now that I’ve started seeing red flags, I can’t believe I ever fell for his manipulation in the
first place. I always thought I was smarter than that. I feel completely blindsided by someone I considered a friend. The economic slumps of the last few years have already left the company on the verge of collapse and now I’m playing an even bigger game of catch-up. This entire time, I thought I was two steps ahead with enough momentum to carry the company through, but now I know my entire career is connected to, and reliant on, a liar. I’m trying to push through but I’m devastated and consumed with anxiety about how I’ll be able to pay my bills. How can I forgive myself for letting this happen and mustering the strength to pick up the broken pieces?

Sincerely, What Do I Do.

Dear What Do I Do,

I hear your devastation and understand the feeling of self-doubt clawing at you. Anytime you get stabbed in the back, it is easy to place blame on yourself, but we see all the time that people know how to put on a show. Rather than feeling guilty, try being proud that you have become awake enough to be aware of things that don’t seem quite right. Catching these errors are what makes a good businessperson. In regard to your next steps, perhaps you hire an attorney to discuss your options. Getting lawyers involved can feel scary and extreme, but focus on getting informed.

If the company cannot be salvaged with your partner, maybe it is time to venture out and start a new one. While it might seem daunting, starting fresh can give you the opportunity to begin anew. Rather than beating yourself up for missteps, be grateful your eyes are now wide open and you can move forward from a place of clarity. When you can let go, you’ll automatically feel lighter every day. It can be difficult to find motivation when you feel taken advantage of, so attempt to absorb energy from like-minded professionals to inspire you. It’s only natural that by surrounding yourself with comradery from an untrustworthy source, you feel run down. Try finding a podcast run by other leaders to guide you through this difficult time. Refocusing your attention to success and strength will increase your self-worth as you embark on this new chapter.

Sincerely, Nancy

Dear Nancy:

With all of the weight I’ve put on recently, I feel ashamed when I look in the mirror. I have tried tons of workout plans, but when I get on the scale and the number is the same, I get so frustrated that I just give up. Quitting leaves me feeling even worse about myself and totally out of options. My clothes don’t fit anymore, but I’m worried that if I go up a size, I’ll never come back down. I would love to hang out with friends or try online dating sites, but with the way that I look, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be seen with me in public. Worst of all, to manage the sadness and self-hatred I feel, I turn to food for comfort. How do I start losing weight for good so that I can finally have my life back?

Sincerely, Heavy Heart.

Dear Heavy Heart:

I want to assure you that I do understand your struggle. I have also found it frustrating to try and lose weight over the years, but I sense that your determination is as strong as mine, and I believe you can do it. The best way to stay motivated is to have an end goal in mind. Try visualizing yourself 30 pounds lighter, smiling brightly and more energetic. Perhaps you envision yourself feeling confident in clothes you’ve always longed to wear, a romantic partner by your side. Now that we have the future “you” in mind, let’s work backwards. First, let’s pick a method for you to lose weight. Perhaps you need accountability, and someone who holds your feet to the fire, such as a fitness instructor or weight loss meetings. Alternatively, you might do better with educational books or videos, which could teach you about the food groups you can eat to fight fatigue and start an exercise program. If none of these strategies work, you might need to look for some medical advice. A doctor may be able to tell you if thyroid issues or sleep apnea are affecting your weight loss journey. As you consider your options, let’s start the process of getting you on a dating app. Keep in mind, not all pictures have to show your full body. Perhaps you take only headshots, or maybe there are pictures of you having fun with friends. From there, it’s about writing a profile that shines a light on your inner beauty. Remember to keep the faith; you’re just looking for one special person who loves you for who you are. As you engage with your workouts and search for this potential partner, stay intentional by keeping your eye on your goals. Try creating a vision board with places you would love to visit, or fashions you’d like to try. Once you have your “why,” it becomes so much easier to whip on your shoes and start walking. So get excited: your future self is waiting to greet you with open arms.

Dear Nancy:

Since suffering an injury that has caused me agonizing, chronic pain, all that I have worked for in my 15-year career is slipping through my fingers. Management at my former job discredited the struggle I faced, and I am afraid that other jobs will also fail to acknowledge my needs. I could go back to school, but starting completely over from scratch at my age is overwhelming, and the threat of student loan debt is too much to bear. I’m very worried because all I see are entry level jobs that will not pay my bills. I feel lost, and I’m not even sure what my next move should be. How do I find a new career now that my injury has changed my life forever?

Sincerely, Lost.

Dear Lost:

As someone who has also made difficult career changes due to a disability, I know how unsettling it can be to start over when your world is turned upside down. However, one spark of inspiration is often all it takes to begin a new chapter of your life. Consider getting motivated by picking up a book you connect with, like a self-help guide or memoir by a person you admire. Hold that book tight with both hands, and let the words anchor you. When you feel defeated, sometimes an encouraging story reminds you not all is lost, especially when you have so much inner potential. Plenty of businesses out there need someone with your talents. Try tapping into what makes you stand out from the crowd. Maybe you’re a team player who is great at leading meetings. Perhaps you’re a critical thinker who can crack the code on the most challenging of problems. If you still struggle to recognize your special skills, a career test can help you hone in on your strengths. When you peel back the layers of yourself with all of your natural abilities, you will see you are a great candidate for many different positions. Now that you have identified what you have to offer, find job descriptions that seem like a good fit and pique your interest. Check out people on LinkedIn with similar work experience, and notice what extra certifications they have completed that you may want to pursue. You might also go to networking events in your area. Sometimes talking with other professionals is helpful after you’ve been stuck in front of your computer filling out applications all day. Perhaps you’ll meet someone with a job title you’ve never heard of before, and they can give you insight into an inspiring new occupation. As you take these action steps toward your new career, remember you already have everything inside you to be successful. Trust yourself and take the leap: An amazing new career is waiting for you just on the horizon.

Dear Nancy:

Lately my nights alone have felt so quiet, and I lay in bed feeling sad over past relationships and wondering if I’ll ever find love. It seems like everyone in my life is in a relationship, but I can’t click with anyone. Scrolling through dating apps makes me feel even more hopeless because I just don’t find anyone interesting or attractive. Maybe I’m being oversensitive, but when I go out with my friends or even at work, everyone is talking about future weddings or trips they’re going to take with their kids while I sit in silence just wishing I could disappear. As I’m getting older, I’m afraid my only companion will be my dog. I realize that I put my career ahead of these future wishes, and I regret that I can’t go back in time. How do I put myself out there and create the life I now know I want?

Sincerely, Missed the Boat.

Dear Missed the Boat:

I can tell by your words how sad it makes you to hear others talking about their relationships. I’m sure it’s crushing to know all you have to offer but not feel a spark with anyone. I encourage you to consider the unique qualities that make you special. Journal a list of your strongest attributes, like aspects of your personality or how you’ve built a successful career. Keep these traits in mind when creating your dating profile, and you will naturally radiate confidence. The way you see yourself will make a huge difference in the types of people you attract, and you will draw in people who match your energy. It’s okay to be picky, but when it comes to matters of the heart, remember to keep an open mind. You’re constantly changing as you move through life. The people you date in your 20s are going to be completely different than who you date in your 40s because you’re evolving. Trust the process and be excited about everything you’ve accomplished so far. I understand how frustrating it must be to have devoted so much time to your career and now wish you could turn back the clock and do things differently when it comes to starting a family. But remember, it’s not only spouses and kids that make up a “family.” Pets, friends, or members of a particular faith can make up a loving family. Your dog certainly already believes this. There are also ways to have kids in your life without being a biological parent. You can volunteer for an organization that works with children, or you might meet a partner who has kids of their own who can become part of your family. Who you are now is exactly who you’re meant to be. Your romantic partner will enter your life at the right time and will be proud of the successful career you’ve built and the person you have become.

Dear Nancy:

I find myself feeling overwhelmed with anger and desperation because of my chronic pain. I was in a car accident that left me with constant aching in my lower back, and lately I’m just so exhausted because my pain is ruining my life. I can’t focus at work without being irritated by my agony. I hesitate to travel on a plane because I’m afraid the pain is going to be too much to handle. Most of all, I don’t date because I never have the energy to put myself out there, and I know I can’t be charming if I’m preoccupied by my aching back. How do I stop letting my pain keep me from enjoying life to the fullest?

Sincerely, Will It Get Better.

Dear Will It Get Better:

It sounds like your pain is running your life, and I want to help you take your power back. When you’re constantly feeling distracted by tension in your body, it’s easy to become frustrated with life, but don’t lose hope. Start with small changes that will alleviate some pain. At your job, consider finding a new chair that provides better back support. A standing desk might also relieve any tightness. You could try implementing a pre-work stretching regimen or yoga routine to reduce pain and put you in a strong mental state. Your pain will be less of a distraction and you will focus better at work if you are resourceful with what you can control. I also understand how upsetting it can feel to be too fearful to do the things you desire, like travel on a plane. I know you’re capable of conquering your anxiety, and the best way to start is by making a plan. Perhaps consult your doctor about whether there is medication you can take that’ll relieve your pain for the length of a flight. Investigate the best seating options with more leg room or easy access to walk around if you need to. Having a strategy for traveling on a plane will make your worries about the pain more manageable. You can even apply the same mindset when it comes to dating. You might think you won’t be your best self on a date because you’ll be too focused on your pain, but these are future assumptions. Maybe the person you go out with will relate to your condition or offer insightful advice. The date also doesn’t have to be long and stiff. It could be a video call or a walk to grab coffee. Pick a situation that will physically work with your body so you can enjoy yourself more. Your chronic pain doesn’t have to define who you are. Look at it as an opportunity to adopt new routines or find an inspiring support group of people who have gone through it, too. Remember, it’s mind over matter, and you’re amazing and capable of living the life you want.

Dear Nancy:

Lately I’ve been feeling used by others and robbed of my time. I’m tired of people walking all over me. I’m a single mom and I’m sick of having to fake niceties with the father of my daughter just so he’ll continue to provide support. My coworkers are starting to get on my last nerve because they take advantage of my willingness to help and ask me for favors they could easily do themselves, knowing I won’t turn them down. It’s exhausting being a people-pleaser, and I’m worried I’ll be a doormat for the rest of my life. How can I finally put my foot down and stand up for myself?

Sincerely, Tired of Pleasing.

Dear Tired of Pleasing:

I can hear in your voice that you’re at the end of your rope. You want to help people but are feeling deflated at the same time. When you’ve been saying “yes” to people your whole life, it’s difficult to stand your ground. “No” may feel uncomfortable because it’s not familiar to you, so maybe try polite phrases like “Not right now” or “This isn’t a good time.” You might feel you owe it to your coworkers to help them otherwise they’ll be stuck in a bind, but your boundaries are also worthy of respect. The next time a colleague asks for assistance, you can quickly explain or show them what to do without actually spending the time on it by yourself, giving them the opportunity to be resourceful on their own. This will allow you to leave work at a reasonable hour and get home to your daughter. Along the parenting lines, I sense there’s a lot of bottled up anger and resentment for being unable to speak honestly with your daughter’s father because you need his support. Consider journaling or venting to a trusted friend to flush out these strong emotions. This will release pent up frustration and by purging the negative feelings in your mind, you’ll likely see the root of the problem more clearly and find a productive solution. Maybe you’ll discover taking the father to court is what will give you a more structured partnership. Remind yourself that at the end of the day, you’ll feel stronger when you put your foot down. If you’re afraid you’ll be judged or let people down when you speak up, come prepared to defend yourself. Fully expressing your point of view will give you more confidence in standing your ground. When you establish your limits and only take on what you can handle, you’ll feel relieved and have more personal time for your daughter or to start new hobbies. Taking the first step toward being more strong-willed is challenging, but be proud of the daughter you’ve raised and the career you’ve built and you’ll feel a new sense of empowerment.

Dear Nancy:

Lately I’ve been sad and worried about how my brother’s dating life is affecting his young kids. He is divorced and frequently brings home different women, which I’m afraid sends the wrong message about monogamy and sensationalizes being non-committal. I’m feeling torn over how to respect my brother’s boundaries when it comes to his relationships, but as the aunt to his children, I want to show his kids what a loving, committed relationship looks like and the value of that companionship. What is the most effective way for me to convey my concerns about my brother’s choices? How can I teach my niece and nephew about healthy romantic relationships without trying to be their mom?

Sincerely, Wishing I Could Do More.

Dear Wishing I Could Do More:

I completely understand that it’s hard to just sit back and watch your brother carelessly expose his children to his dating life. Confrontation between siblings can be tricky, but if you approach it in the right way, he’ll be able to see your perspective. Try not to come at him with accusations of what he’s doing wrong and what he should be doing instead. This will only make him shut down and not listen to what you’re saying. First, acknowledge his good qualities and how you admire his strength as a single father. Go into the conversation keeping in mind your brother’s point of view, emphasizing that you are family and will support him no matter what. Then you can gently remind him how his kids are watching and looking up to him as their only parent and role model. You can express how it may be confusing having his kids watch him bring home a different woman or call a variety of ladies every week, and he may want to question if that is setting the best example.

You can use a similar mindset when it comes to your niece and nephew. The best way to help young children understand what a loving relationship looks like is to compare it to characters in their favorite movie or book. If your niece and nephew have a beloved superhero they look up to, you can talk them through the story of how that character falls in love and ask if it made them happy to see a relationship like that. This will teach them to look for similar kinds of healthy partnerships in other stories and teach them to aspire to have a caring relationship that lasts. You can also explain how you love their dad unconditionally and he’s a great person, but if they ever need help or want to talk to someone, you will be there like a mom. The key is that you aren’t trying to be their mother, but you are making sure they know you are someone they can come to for anything. When you reach out from a place of love and respect, your brother and his kids will appreciate how much you care for them.

Dear Nancy:

As the holidays are approaching, I’ve been feeling sadder and lonelier than usual. I’m 72 and got divorced 20 years ago. I can’t help but wonder what life would look like if my marriage never ended or if I had found someone years ago who would be my loving companion now. Although I have two grown children, they live far away and have their own busy lives, so sometimes I feel like they have forgotten about me. I can keep myself busy during the day with gardening, shopping, taking care of my cats, or seeing friends, but I admit the nights are when I feel most alone. I just wish I had someone to enjoy my evenings with. I’m afraid and worried that I will be spending every holiday by myself. How can I stop feeling so abandoned, hopeless, and like I will be alone for the rest of my life?

Sincerely, Feeling So Alone.

Dear Feeling So Alone:

I can tell by your words that your feelings of loneliness bring you deep sadness. I completely understand how scary it can feel to wonder if you will spend every night by yourself. But the thing is, one can be lonely even in a room full of people. The key to not feeling so isolated, especially in the evenings, is finding distractions. Try out activities that will take your mind away from thoughts of loneliness. At night, consider reading a fiction book you can lose yourself in. Perhaps watching a TV series or listening to a podcast with many episodes can become part of your evening ritual – you may even be excited to have that time for yourself. Even putting on your favorite music while you do chores or make dinner can fill up the silence and boost your mood. While you might not spend every holiday with your family, it doesn’t mean you have to be alone. Consider opening up your friendship circle by looking for more people in the same boat as you. Other women in your neighborhood might not have a significant other or relatives who live nearby either, and you can search for fellow cat lovers or gardeners via social groups. Maybe even consider taking up a new hobby; you could join a pottery class or book club. Finding new people to connect with will give you supportive friends who feel like family. Also try to remember that people aren’t mind readers. Your children might not be aware of how lonely you are if you’ve never expressed your feelings to them. Maybe call up your kids and just share your feelings of emptiness. Even if they’re busy, find out if you can plan to spend time together. If the holiday season doesn’t work out, make arrangements to join them another time. When you’re open and honest with your loved ones, you will feel lighter knowing that your emotions have been heard. You can take your power back, overcome feelings of solitude, and have fun!

Dear Nancy:

I recently lost my 11-year-old Labrador, Bo, because of a heart issue, and I feel like I’m missing a huge part of my life. Bo was my loyal companion for so long, and my days feel empty without him by my side. It’s been hard to sleep at night, especially with his dog bed on the floor next to mine. I just can’t bring myself to get rid of it because kneeling down and smelling it gives me comfort and makes me feel like he’s still in my arms. I can’t help but wonder if I had just paid for surgeries or extensive testing to extend Bo’s life, maybe he would still be here with me. I feel even sadder when I see a show or hear a song we used to watch or listen to together. I don’t even know what to do with all of Bo’s treats and food that I still have in the garage. My friends and family have tried to support me through this, but no one can replace my best friend, Bo. I am so sad and I’m not sure how to stop the pain.

Sincerely, Missing Bo.

Dear Missing Bo:

I completely understand how devastating it is to lose a pet who has been by your side for so many years. While it may feel like you’re never going to stop crying, try to think about how Bo wouldn’t want to see you so sad. Instead of wishing you could have done more to extend Bo’s life, try to focus on the amazing 11 years you gave him. I know Bo was adored and had such a special personality, but now he is at peace and his heart is perfect. He is in a place where he can have unlimited treats and go for countless walks. It is also okay to hold onto his bed and food for as long as you need to, but you might consider ways you can honor Bo. You can give him a legacy by bringing his treats and food to a shelter in need of supplies. Paying it forward will help another lucky dog live the happy life that you gave Bo.

Even if you aren’t ready to retire his bed, maybe move it into the closet and instead keep something smaller around, like his leash or collar. This can be your new way of remembering him and having him close to your heart. When the time feels right, you could consider getting a new pet to fill the loneliness you are experiencing. No dog can take Bo’s place, but it sounds like you were a great fur parent, and there might be another loyal buddy who could use your love. The sadness you feel now will fade with time but know that Bo will always be in your heart. Be proud and cherish the fact that you had such a special connection.

Dear Nancy:

I feel like I’m stuck on a hamster wheel and can’t get off. I’m a single mom struggling to make ends meet to provide for my daughter. Her dad is completely out of the picture, and while I have a little help from friends and family, their support is sparing since they live far away. I’m constantly disciplining my kid and entertaining her while keeping up with my part-time job. I feel guilty because I love my daughter and want to be the best mom I can, but I’m exhausted and lonely. Sometimes I daydream about what life would have been like if I never got pregnant and how much easier things would be. I’m tired of carrying the burden of being a single parent and needing to be responsible all the time. How can I manage to be a good mom while also getting the chance to live my own life before it passes me by?

Sincerely, Lonely Mom.

Dear Lonely Mom:

I can hear how exhausted and stressed you are raising your daughter by yourself. It sounds like you have energetically given everything to your daughter so she can grow, and you’re burning the candle at both ends. A way to help manage your time is maintaining a daily routine. Try to schedule meals, chores, fun activities, and bedtime. Sticking to a consistent regimen will allow you to feel more organized, and your daughter will be more secure knowing what to expect each day.

I know you’re longing for a break and a chance to just relax and it’s hard when you have to put your daughter first. Finding your inner Zen will feel rejuvenating and help you be more present with your child. This can come from creating an environment that brings you peace. Lighting your favorite candles and playing soothing music in your house can make you feel grounded even when your daughter is crying or needing attention. Consider finding support groups for single parents so you can connect with other moms who know what you’re going through. You can even start setting up group playdates, which would alleviate the pressure of entertaining your daughter by yourself.

I also recognize how you’re feeling guilty over whether you made the wrong decisions, or maybe you wonder if you’re being a good parent. Journaling can be a way to flush out the pain you’re feeling. When you release pent-up frustrations, you will feel lighter and have more patience with your daughter. Consider creating a vision board for your future goals. You can include things you want to experience with your daughter as she gets older. Staying plugged into your dreams will allow you to see the positives of your situation. You can take back control over your life and feel empowered as a single mom, and you will have a rejuvenated passion for your own life as well.

Dear Nancy:

Three years ago, I was in a devastating car accident that changed my life. The severity of the wreck badly burned my entire body with most of the damage done to my face. My right arm had to be amputated below my elbow. I feel like my life now is a constant uphill battle full of navigating doctors’ appointments, relearning how to do simple tasks, and getting disgusted looks constantly. Leaving my house seems impossible when I get stared at during every interview and never get the job. I want employers to see who I am, but I feel trapped behind my scars, screaming to be heard. I feel like a coward. I’m itching to get out of my skin, and I do everything I can to hide my burns, but I’m still horrified with how I look. Because of this, dating has been a complete mess. I look in the mirror and can’t imagine someone ever being attracted to me. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who loves me for who I am. I feel severed from my old life, watching everyone get married and have kids. I genuinely believe I’ve been cursed to be alone forever. How can I improve my self-esteem when it feels like everyone is repulsed by me?

Sincerely, Feeling Hopeless.

Dear Feeling Hopeless:

I hear your pain — just know that you can take all the time you need to grieve. It is human nature to feel angry and to mourn the loss of who you once were. Try to find the silver lining by being grateful that you survived such a severe accident. I realize that it can be petrifying to not recognize yourself, especially when other people are constantly staring. However, strangers you encounter aren’t mind readers — they don’t know you or your story. Instead of hiding from them, try to smile and give kindness back to people. Show them the parts of you that truly matter.

Also, keep in mind that tragedies can truly be our greatest gift. I understand the shame you feel, but know that overcoming trauma is inspirational. You can begin by telling your story to a potential employer, allowing you to take back power over your accident and control the narrative. I know how overwhelming it can feel to work with a disability, but I have learned that bosses want to hire the best candidate and your physical injuries do not outshine your qualifications. Being vulnerable can be a necessary outlet to heal and will assist you in connecting with others on job interviews and dates. When you find a way to be confident with your burns, you will attract people who admire your strength. The right people are going to see and accept all of you. At the end of the day, the opinion you have of yourself matters the most. When you take the steps to be bold, you will see a more genuine and courageous person in the mirror.

Dear Nancy:

Lately, I have been feeling betrayed and like my heart is constantly breaking. I am 42 years old and have been trying desperately to build a connection with my younger brother, but no matter what I do, I feel like our relationship just gets worse. He hasn’t made the best decisions in life with how he treats his friends, and he is constantly moving from one fling to the next. I truly just want the best for him, but whenever I offer advice he gets defensive and it seems like I only push him away. It has gotten so bad that now he leaves me angry voicemails and is even gossiping about me to others. I wish there was some way we could be closer, but I really don’t know what to do anymore. Should I just give up on having a relationship with him or stick it out and hope things improve?

Sincerely, Wishing We Could Be Closer.

Dear Wishing We Could Be Closer:

I can hear in your voice that repairing a relationship with your brother is very meaningful for you. You see your brother struggling and, being the older sibling, it is normal for you to want to try to fix his problems. However, when people are not where they want to be in life, or when they fail to meet their goals, it can make them grumpy and defensive. Perhaps the reason your brother responds to your well-intentioned advice with anger and hostility is because he’s insecure about his place in the world and lashing out at others is his way of protecting himself. It is easier and less painful to deflect hurt onto others than to look at our own actions and decisions. Next time, instead of offering advice directly, try giving some soft suggestions. Asking some small questions that build on one another is a great way to get your brother talking and allows him subtly to come up with his own ideas for positive change.

Now, I can tell the possibility of completely closing your brother out is weighing heavy on your heart. Cutting someone from your life can feel like you’re losing a part of yourself, but who says it must be all or nothing? Sometimes in order to maintain our relationships we need to have boundaries in place. This can start with placing limits on how you communicate with one another. If you’ve noticed that talking face to face can be overbearing, perhaps shifting to only phone calls or texting would be better for you. Having safeguards can allow you to care for yourself while also sustaining that lifeline. Decreasing his access to your time and energy will allow him to realize the effects his actions have on others. Keeping your brother at arm’s length may not be the ideal relationship you envisioned, but there is always the opportunity for improvement. Perhaps seeing you pull away is just the wakeup call he needs to jumpstart his self-reflection and finally bring you two closer.

Dear Nancy:

My husband and I desperately wanted a baby, and we tried for many years. I felt we were running out of options, so we reached the decision to adopt. After mentoring a foster child, we learned that we were in line to adopt a baby; however, in the eleventh hour, the parents changed their minds. Our hearts were crushed. As our hope wore thin, we finally got the chance to adopt a two-year-old girl.

I loved being a mom. Making her school lunches, taking her to dance practice; I looked forward to guiding our daughter into adult life. As she got older, she began to realize that she was different from us — she is Hispanic and we are Caucasian. By sixteen, she started on a quest to find her mother and her original family. She is very drawn to her birth family. Although I knew this day would come, I hoped she would cherish our bond. Now, at eighteen, she told us that she wants to spend her time with her new-found relatives.

My husband struggles in his own way with his emotions, but I feel like a failure. I had dreams of seeing her through college, marriage, and the birth of our grandchild. Now, we don’t know if she will ever spend a holiday with us again. I feel lost without her, wondering if she will ever come back.

Signed, Feeling Abandoned.

Dear Feeling Abandoned:

I can hear the pain you are feeling, memories of bonding with your child through daily life, watching her get on the school bus for the first time, all those treasured moments. After skinned knees and teenage crushes, you must feel she has replaced you with the birth family and the mother who gave her up. But remember, you and your husband found her at two years old. You gave her a beautiful childhood in a safe, secure, and loving home. Where would that child be if not for you and your husband? You walked with her, from soothing her broken heart to cheering her on as she found her footing in life. You gave her confidence to strike out on what must have been a bold decision to seek and find her heritage. You became the parent you wanted to be.

Ironically, your daughter cried because she felt abandoned; now you have shed your own tears, feeling abandoned by her. Kids try their wings and fly. Your daughter became curious and ventured out to find her roots. Some kids try drugs or alcohol. At her age, she’s getting a sense of who she is. Be ready for her to come back to the safe, welcoming home base you gave her and share what she has been discovering. You took the first steps of her journey with her; let her find herself. Be proud of the mom that you are and keep those future dreams with your grandkids in your heart; they will come true.

Dear Nancy:

I suffer from multiple sclerosis. At 46, I spend most of my day in bed. I went from a cane to a walker to a scooter. Sadly, I have a hard time doing anything on my own. I need help getting to the bathroom and taking showers. I can no longer drive. As a result, I’ve lost any real sense of independence I had. My kids are now adults living their own lives. I’m grateful that they grew up before the disease started affecting me, but I’m still their mom and it’s heartbreaking. I can’t make a special dinner for them or join them for an outing without a ton of help. I mostly feel like a burden to my family. I lie awake, afraid of what will happen in the future. Will I get so bad that I need to go to assisted living? Would anyone come to visit me?

When I’m on social media, I don’t tell people how bad things are. I can almost interact as a normal person. For those closest to me, there’s no denying what is coming. Although they don’t say anything, they wonder how bad it will get.

Not so long ago, I was a vibrant person, full of life. I took my kids on hiking trips, drove them to sporting events, and planned birthday celebrations. I can’t seem to find the strength to move forward knowing that things will get worse.

Signed, Feeling Like a Burden.

Dear Feeling Like a Burden:

I’m sure that even before your diagnosis you put the needs of others first. You will always be a great mom in your children’s eyes. But it may be time to focus on the ways you can be proactive in taking control over your life, especially the things that trouble you about your future.

If your disease progresses and an assisted living facility is the best choice, there are several options and you have a say about the type of facility, where, and when. For example, you could live in a group home, or you could move to an apartment designed to accommodate disabilities. The move might give you an opportunity to help older residents and restore the sense of purpose you feel is lost. If you choose to remain at home, you can hire a home health nurse, caregiver, or a volunteer who will come in and help. With support, you might find that you could turn your bedroom into an office and do a part-time remote job, or you could host a small support group for others who struggle with a disability. Also, being more forthcoming with your disability on social media could strengthen your connections, helping others to feel comfortable sharing their own struggles.

There are ways for those of us who deal with limitations to contribute. It’s important that we think beyond our regrets and fears, looking at the future with a sense of ownership over the decisions and the possibilities.

Sincerely, Nancy

Dear Nancy:

I recently found out that my business partner has been sabotaging me and our company. I thought I had made a good decision bringing him on board, but I’m second-guessing my ability to read people. I was deceived so easily and I feel like my trust in myself is on the verge of
shattering. My partner constantly talks up opportunities and connections that made me feel confident about my faith in him, but none have come through. He always reassured me that important tasks would be taken care of only for me to find out nothing had been accomplished. Now that I’ve started seeing red flags, I can’t believe I ever fell for his manipulation in the
first place. I always thought I was smarter than that. I feel completely blindsided by someone I considered a friend. The economic slumps of the last few years have already left the company on the verge of collapse and now I’m playing an even bigger game of catch-up. This entire time, I thought I was two steps ahead with enough momentum to carry the company through, but now I know my entire career is connected to, and reliant on, a liar. I’m trying to push through but I’m devastated and consumed with anxiety about how I’ll be able to pay my bills. How can I forgive myself for letting this happen and mustering the strength to pick up the broken pieces?

Sincerely, What Do I Do.

Dear What Do I Do,

I hear your devastation and understand the feeling of self-doubt clawing at you. Anytime you get stabbed in the back, it is easy to place blame on yourself, but we see all the time that people know how to put on a show. Rather than feeling guilty, try being proud that you have become awake enough to be aware of things that don’t seem quite right. Catching these errors are what makes a good businessperson. In regard to your next steps, perhaps you hire an attorney to discuss your options. Getting lawyers involved can feel scary and extreme, but focus on getting informed.

If the company cannot be salvaged with your partner, maybe it is time to venture out and start a new one. While it might seem daunting, starting fresh can give you the opportunity to begin anew. Rather than beating yourself up for missteps, be grateful your eyes are now wide open and you can move forward from a place of clarity. When you can let go, you’ll automatically feel lighter every day. It can be difficult to find motivation when you feel taken advantage of, so attempt to absorb energy from like-minded professionals to inspire you. It’s only natural that by surrounding yourself with comradery from an untrustworthy source, you feel run down. Try finding a podcast run by other leaders to guide you through this difficult time. Refocusing your attention to success and strength will increase your self-worth as you embark on this new chapter.

Sincerely, Nancy

Dear Nancy:

With all of the weight I’ve put on recently, I feel ashamed when I look in the mirror. I have tried tons of workout plans, but when I get on the scale and the number is the same, I get so frustrated that I just give up. Quitting leaves me feeling even worse about myself and totally out of options. My clothes don’t fit anymore, but I’m worried that if I go up a size, I’ll never come back down. I would love to hang out with friends or try online dating sites, but with the way that I look, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be seen with me in public. Worst of all, to manage the sadness and self-hatred I feel, I turn to food for comfort. How do I start losing weight for good so that I can finally have my life back?

Sincerely, Heavy Heart.

Dear Heavy Heart:

I want to assure you that I do understand your struggle. I have also found it frustrating to try and lose weight over the years, but I sense that your determination is as strong as mine, and I believe you can do it. The best way to stay motivated is to have an end goal in mind. Try visualizing yourself 30 pounds lighter, smiling brightly and more energetic. Perhaps you envision yourself feeling confident in clothes you’ve always longed to wear, a romantic partner by your side. Now that we have the future “you” in mind, let’s work backwards. First, let’s pick a method for you to lose weight. Perhaps you need accountability, and someone who holds your feet to the fire, such as a fitness instructor or weight loss meetings. Alternatively, you might do better with educational books or videos, which could teach you about the food groups you can eat to fight fatigue and start an exercise program. If none of these strategies work, you might need to look for some medical advice. A doctor may be able to tell you if thyroid issues or sleep apnea are affecting your weight loss journey. As you consider your options, let’s start the process of getting you on a dating app. Keep in mind, not all pictures have to show your full body. Perhaps you take only headshots, or maybe there are pictures of you having fun with friends. From there, it’s about writing a profile that shines a light on your inner beauty. Remember to keep the faith; you’re just looking for one special person who loves you for who you are. As you engage with your workouts and search for this potential partner, stay intentional by keeping your eye on your goals. Try creating a vision board with places you would love to visit, or fashions you’d like to try. Once you have your “why,” it becomes so much easier to whip on your shoes and start walking. So get excited: your future self is waiting to greet you with open arms.

Dear Nancy:

Since suffering an injury that has caused me agonizing, chronic pain, all that I have worked for in my 15-year career is slipping through my fingers. Management at my former job discredited the struggle I faced, and I am afraid that other jobs will also fail to acknowledge my needs. I could go back to school, but starting completely over from scratch at my age is overwhelming, and the threat of student loan debt is too much to bear. I’m very worried because all I see are entry level jobs that will not pay my bills. I feel lost, and I’m not even sure what my next move should be. How do I find a new career now that my injury has changed my life forever?

Sincerely, Lost.

Dear Lost:

As someone who has also made difficult career changes due to a disability, I know how unsettling it can be to start over when your world is turned upside down. However, one spark of inspiration is often all it takes to begin a new chapter of your life. Consider getting motivated by picking up a book you connect with, like a self-help guide or memoir by a person you admire. Hold that book tight with both hands, and let the words anchor you. When you feel defeated, sometimes an encouraging story reminds you not all is lost, especially when you have so much inner potential. Plenty of businesses out there need someone with your talents. Try tapping into what makes you stand out from the crowd. Maybe you’re a team player who is great at leading meetings. Perhaps you’re a critical thinker who can crack the code on the most challenging of problems. If you still struggle to recognize your special skills, a career test can help you hone in on your strengths. When you peel back the layers of yourself with all of your natural abilities, you will see you are a great candidate for many different positions. Now that you have identified what you have to offer, find job descriptions that seem like a good fit and pique your interest. Check out people on LinkedIn with similar work experience, and notice what extra certifications they have completed that you may want to pursue. You might also go to networking events in your area. Sometimes talking with other professionals is helpful after you’ve been stuck in front of your computer filling out applications all day. Perhaps you’ll meet someone with a job title you’ve never heard of before, and they can give you insight into an inspiring new occupation. As you take these action steps toward your new career, remember you already have everything inside you to be successful. Trust yourself and take the leap: An amazing new career is waiting for you just on the horizon.

Dear Nancy:

Lately my nights alone have felt so quiet, and I lay in bed feeling sad over past relationships and wondering if I’ll ever find love. It seems like everyone in my life is in a relationship, but I can’t click with anyone. Scrolling through dating apps makes me feel even more hopeless because I just don’t find anyone interesting or attractive. Maybe I’m being oversensitive, but when I go out with my friends or even at work, everyone is talking about future weddings or trips they’re going to take with their kids while I sit in silence just wishing I could disappear. As I’m getting older, I’m afraid my only companion will be my dog. I realize that I put my career ahead of these future wishes, and I regret that I can’t go back in time. How do I put myself out there and create the life I now know I want?

Sincerely, Missed the Boat.

Dear Missed the Boat:

I can tell by your words how sad it makes you to hear others talking about their relationships. I’m sure it’s crushing to know all you have to offer but not feel a spark with anyone. I encourage you to consider the unique qualities that make you special. Journal a list of your strongest attributes, like aspects of your personality or how you’ve built a successful career. Keep these traits in mind when creating your dating profile, and you will naturally radiate confidence. The way you see yourself will make a huge difference in the types of people you attract, and you will draw in people who match your energy. It’s okay to be picky, but when it comes to matters of the heart, remember to keep an open mind. You’re constantly changing as you move through life. The people you date in your 20s are going to be completely different than who you date in your 40s because you’re evolving. Trust the process and be excited about everything you’ve accomplished so far. I understand how frustrating it must be to have devoted so much time to your career and now wish you could turn back the clock and do things differently when it comes to starting a family. But remember, it’s not only spouses and kids that make up a “family.” Pets, friends, or members of a particular faith can make up a loving family. Your dog certainly already believes this. There are also ways to have kids in your life without being a biological parent. You can volunteer for an organization that works with children, or you might meet a partner who has kids of their own who can become part of your family. Who you are now is exactly who you’re meant to be. Your romantic partner will enter your life at the right time and will be proud of the successful career you’ve built and the person you have become.

Dear Nancy:

I find myself feeling overwhelmed with anger and desperation because of my chronic pain. I was in a car accident that left me with constant aching in my lower back, and lately I’m just so exhausted because my pain is ruining my life. I can’t focus at work without being irritated by my agony. I hesitate to travel on a plane because I’m afraid the pain is going to be too much to handle. Most of all, I don’t date because I never have the energy to put myself out there, and I know I can’t be charming if I’m preoccupied by my aching back. How do I stop letting my pain keep me from enjoying life to the fullest?

Sincerely, Will It Get Better.

Dear Will It Get Better:

It sounds like your pain is running your life, and I want to help you take your power back. When you’re constantly feeling distracted by tension in your body, it’s easy to become frustrated with life, but don’t lose hope. Start with small changes that will alleviate some pain. At your job, consider finding a new chair that provides better back support. A standing desk might also relieve any tightness. You could try implementing a pre-work stretching regimen or yoga routine to reduce pain and put you in a strong mental state. Your pain will be less of a distraction and you will focus better at work if you are resourceful with what you can control. I also understand how upsetting it can feel to be too fearful to do the things you desire, like travel on a plane. I know you’re capable of conquering your anxiety, and the best way to start is by making a plan. Perhaps consult your doctor about whether there is medication you can take that’ll relieve your pain for the length of a flight. Investigate the best seating options with more leg room or easy access to walk around if you need to. Having a strategy for traveling on a plane will make your worries about the pain more manageable. You can even apply the same mindset when it comes to dating. You might think you won’t be your best self on a date because you’ll be too focused on your pain, but these are future assumptions. Maybe the person you go out with will relate to your condition or offer insightful advice. The date also doesn’t have to be long and stiff. It could be a video call or a walk to grab coffee. Pick a situation that will physically work with your body so you can enjoy yourself more. Your chronic pain doesn’t have to define who you are. Look at it as an opportunity to adopt new routines or find an inspiring support group of people who have gone through it, too. Remember, it’s mind over matter, and you’re amazing and capable of living the life you want.

Dear Nancy:

Lately I’ve been feeling used by others and robbed of my time. I’m tired of people walking all over me. I’m a single mom and I’m sick of having to fake niceties with the father of my daughter just so he’ll continue to provide support. My coworkers are starting to get on my last nerve because they take advantage of my willingness to help and ask me for favors they could easily do themselves, knowing I won’t turn them down. It’s exhausting being a people-pleaser, and I’m worried I’ll be a doormat for the rest of my life. How can I finally put my foot down and stand up for myself?

Sincerely, Tired of Pleasing.

Dear Tired of Pleasing:

I can hear in your voice that you’re at the end of your rope. You want to help people but are feeling deflated at the same time. When you’ve been saying “yes” to people your whole life, it’s difficult to stand your ground. “No” may feel uncomfortable because it’s not familiar to you, so maybe try polite phrases like “Not right now” or “This isn’t a good time.” You might feel you owe it to your coworkers to help them otherwise they’ll be stuck in a bind, but your boundaries are also worthy of respect. The next time a colleague asks for assistance, you can quickly explain or show them what to do without actually spending the time on it by yourself, giving them the opportunity to be resourceful on their own. This will allow you to leave work at a reasonable hour and get home to your daughter. Along the parenting lines, I sense there’s a lot of bottled up anger and resentment for being unable to speak honestly with your daughter’s father because you need his support. Consider journaling or venting to a trusted friend to flush out these strong emotions. This will release pent up frustration and by purging the negative feelings in your mind, you’ll likely see the root of the problem more clearly and find a productive solution. Maybe you’ll discover taking the father to court is what will give you a more structured partnership. Remind yourself that at the end of the day, you’ll feel stronger when you put your foot down. If you’re afraid you’ll be judged or let people down when you speak up, come prepared to defend yourself. Fully expressing your point of view will give you more confidence in standing your ground. When you establish your limits and only take on what you can handle, you’ll feel relieved and have more personal time for your daughter or to start new hobbies. Taking the first step toward being more strong-willed is challenging, but be proud of the daughter you’ve raised and the career you’ve built and you’ll feel a new sense of empowerment.

Dear Nancy:

Lately I’ve been sad and worried about how my brother’s dating life is affecting his young kids. He is divorced and frequently brings home different women, which I’m afraid sends the wrong message about monogamy and sensationalizes being non-committal. I’m feeling torn over how to respect my brother’s boundaries when it comes to his relationships, but as the aunt to his children, I want to show his kids what a loving, committed relationship looks like and the value of that companionship. What is the most effective way for me to convey my concerns about my brother’s choices? How can I teach my niece and nephew about healthy romantic relationships without trying to be their mom?

Sincerely, Wishing I Could Do More.

Dear Wishing I Could Do More:

I completely understand that it’s hard to just sit back and watch your brother carelessly expose his children to his dating life. Confrontation between siblings can be tricky, but if you approach it in the right way, he’ll be able to see your perspective. Try not to come at him with accusations of what he’s doing wrong and what he should be doing instead. This will only make him shut down and not listen to what you’re saying. First, acknowledge his good qualities and how you admire his strength as a single father. Go into the conversation keeping in mind your brother’s point of view, emphasizing that you are family and will support him no matter what. Then you can gently remind him how his kids are watching and looking up to him as their only parent and role model. You can express how it may be confusing having his kids watch him bring home a different woman or call a variety of ladies every week, and he may want to question if that is setting the best example.

You can use a similar mindset when it comes to your niece and nephew. The best way to help young children understand what a loving relationship looks like is to compare it to characters in their favorite movie or book. If your niece and nephew have a beloved superhero they look up to, you can talk them through the story of how that character falls in love and ask if it made them happy to see a relationship like that. This will teach them to look for similar kinds of healthy partnerships in other stories and teach them to aspire to have a caring relationship that lasts. You can also explain how you love their dad unconditionally and he’s a great person, but if they ever need help or want to talk to someone, you will be there like a mom. The key is that you aren’t trying to be their mother, but you are making sure they know you are someone they can come to for anything. When you reach out from a place of love and respect, your brother and his kids will appreciate how much you care for them.

Dear Nancy:

As the holidays are approaching, I’ve been feeling sadder and lonelier than usual. I’m 72 and got divorced 20 years ago. I can’t help but wonder what life would look like if my marriage never ended or if I had found someone years ago who would be my loving companion now. Although I have two grown children, they live far away and have their own busy lives, so sometimes I feel like they have forgotten about me. I can keep myself busy during the day with gardening, shopping, taking care of my cats, or seeing friends, but I admit the nights are when I feel most alone. I just wish I had someone to enjoy my evenings with. I’m afraid and worried that I will be spending every holiday by myself. How can I stop feeling so abandoned, hopeless, and like I will be alone for the rest of my life?

Sincerely, Feeling So Alone.

Dear Feeling So Alone:

I can tell by your words that your feelings of loneliness bring you deep sadness. I completely understand how scary it can feel to wonder if you will spend every night by yourself. But the thing is, one can be lonely even in a room full of people. The key to not feeling so isolated, especially in the evenings, is finding distractions. Try out activities that will take your mind away from thoughts of loneliness. At night, consider reading a fiction book you can lose yourself in. Perhaps watching a TV series or listening to a podcast with many episodes can become part of your evening ritual – you may even be excited to have that time for yourself. Even putting on your favorite music while you do chores or make dinner can fill up the silence and boost your mood. While you might not spend every holiday with your family, it doesn’t mean you have to be alone. Consider opening up your friendship circle by looking for more people in the same boat as you. Other women in your neighborhood might not have a significant other or relatives who live nearby either, and you can search for fellow cat lovers or gardeners via social groups. Maybe even consider taking up a new hobby; you could join a pottery class or book club. Finding new people to connect with will give you supportive friends who feel like family. Also try to remember that people aren’t mind readers. Your children might not be aware of how lonely you are if you’ve never expressed your feelings to them. Maybe call up your kids and just share your feelings of emptiness. Even if they’re busy, find out if you can plan to spend time together. If the holiday season doesn’t work out, make arrangements to join them another time. When you’re open and honest with your loved ones, you will feel lighter knowing that your emotions have been heard. You can take your power back, overcome feelings of solitude, and have fun!

Dear Nancy:

I recently lost my 11-year-old Labrador, Bo, because of a heart issue, and I feel like I’m missing a huge part of my life. Bo was my loyal companion for so long, and my days feel empty without him by my side. It’s been hard to sleep at night, especially with his dog bed on the floor next to mine. I just can’t bring myself to get rid of it because kneeling down and smelling it gives me comfort and makes me feel like he’s still in my arms. I can’t help but wonder if I had just paid for surgeries or extensive testing to extend Bo’s life, maybe he would still be here with me. I feel even sadder when I see a show or hear a song we used to watch or listen to together. I don’t even know what to do with all of Bo’s treats and food that I still have in the garage. My friends and family have tried to support me through this, but no one can replace my best friend, Bo. I am so sad and I’m not sure how to stop the pain.

Sincerely, Missing Bo.

Dear Missing Bo:

I completely understand how devastating it is to lose a pet who has been by your side for so many years. While it may feel like you’re never going to stop crying, try to think about how Bo wouldn’t want to see you so sad. Instead of wishing you could have done more to extend Bo’s life, try to focus on the amazing 11 years you gave him. I know Bo was adored and had such a special personality, but now he is at peace and his heart is perfect. He is in a place where he can have unlimited treats and go for countless walks. It is also okay to hold onto his bed and food for as long as you need to, but you might consider ways you can honor Bo. You can give him a legacy by bringing his treats and food to a shelter in need of supplies. Paying it forward will help another lucky dog live the happy life that you gave Bo.

Even if you aren’t ready to retire his bed, maybe move it into the closet and instead keep something smaller around, like his leash or collar. This can be your new way of remembering him and having him close to your heart. When the time feels right, you could consider getting a new pet to fill the loneliness you are experiencing. No dog can take Bo’s place, but it sounds like you were a great fur parent, and there might be another loyal buddy who could use your love. The sadness you feel now will fade with time but know that Bo will always be in your heart. Be proud and cherish the fact that you had such a special connection.

Dear Nancy:

I feel like I’m stuck on a hamster wheel and can’t get off. I’m a single mom struggling to make ends meet to provide for my daughter. Her dad is completely out of the picture, and while I have a little help from friends and family, their support is sparing since they live far away. I’m constantly disciplining my kid and entertaining her while keeping up with my part-time job. I feel guilty because I love my daughter and want to be the best mom I can, but I’m exhausted and lonely. Sometimes I daydream about what life would have been like if I never got pregnant and how much easier things would be. I’m tired of carrying the burden of being a single parent and needing to be responsible all the time. How can I manage to be a good mom while also getting the chance to live my own life before it passes me by?

Sincerely, Lonely Mom.

Dear Lonely Mom:

I can hear how exhausted and stressed you are raising your daughter by yourself. It sounds like you have energetically given everything to your daughter so she can grow, and you’re burning the candle at both ends. A way to help manage your time is maintaining a daily routine. Try to schedule meals, chores, fun activities, and bedtime. Sticking to a consistent regimen will allow you to feel more organized, and your daughter will be more secure knowing what to expect each day.

I know you’re longing for a break and a chance to just relax and it’s hard when you have to put your daughter first. Finding your inner Zen will feel rejuvenating and help you be more present with your child. This can come from creating an environment that brings you peace. Lighting your favorite candles and playing soothing music in your house can make you feel grounded even when your daughter is crying or needing attention. Consider finding support groups for single parents so you can connect with other moms who know what you’re going through. You can even start setting up group playdates, which would alleviate the pressure of entertaining your daughter by yourself.

I also recognize how you’re feeling guilty over whether you made the wrong decisions, or maybe you wonder if you’re being a good parent. Journaling can be a way to flush out the pain you’re feeling. When you release pent-up frustrations, you will feel lighter and have more patience with your daughter. Consider creating a vision board for your future goals. You can include things you want to experience with your daughter as she gets older. Staying plugged into your dreams will allow you to see the positives of your situation. You can take back control over your life and feel empowered as a single mom, and you will have a rejuvenated passion for your own life as well.

Dear Nancy:

Three years ago, I was in a devastating car accident that changed my life. The severity of the wreck badly burned my entire body with most of the damage done to my face. My right arm had to be amputated below my elbow. I feel like my life now is a constant uphill battle full of navigating doctors’ appointments, relearning how to do simple tasks, and getting disgusted looks constantly. Leaving my house seems impossible when I get stared at during every interview and never get the job. I want employers to see who I am, but I feel trapped behind my scars, screaming to be heard. I feel like a coward. I’m itching to get out of my skin, and I do everything I can to hide my burns, but I’m still horrified with how I look. Because of this, dating has been a complete mess. I look in the mirror and can’t imagine someone ever being attracted to me. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who loves me for who I am. I feel severed from my old life, watching everyone get married and have kids. I genuinely believe I’ve been cursed to be alone forever. How can I improve my self-esteem when it feels like everyone is repulsed by me?

Sincerely, Feeling Hopeless.

Dear Feeling Hopeless:

I hear your pain — just know that you can take all the time you need to grieve. It is human nature to feel angry and to mourn the loss of who you once were. Try to find the silver lining by being grateful that you survived such a severe accident. I realize that it can be petrifying to not recognize yourself, especially when other people are constantly staring. However, strangers you encounter aren’t mind readers — they don’t know you or your story. Instead of hiding from them, try to smile and give kindness back to people. Show them the parts of you that truly matter.

Also, keep in mind that tragedies can truly be our greatest gift. I understand the shame you feel, but know that overcoming trauma is inspirational. You can begin by telling your story to a potential employer, allowing you to take back power over your accident and control the narrative. I know how overwhelming it can feel to work with a disability, but I have learned that bosses want to hire the best candidate and your physical injuries do not outshine your qualifications. Being vulnerable can be a necessary outlet to heal and will assist you in connecting with others on job interviews and dates. When you find a way to be confident with your burns, you will attract people who admire your strength. The right people are going to see and accept all of you. At the end of the day, the opinion you have of yourself matters the most. When you take the steps to be bold, you will see a more genuine and courageous person in the mirror.

Dear Nancy:

Lately, I have been feeling betrayed and like my heart is constantly breaking. I am 42 years old and have been trying desperately to build a connection with my younger brother, but no matter what I do, I feel like our relationship just gets worse. He hasn’t made the best decisions in life with how he treats his friends, and he is constantly moving from one fling to the next. I truly just want the best for him, but whenever I offer advice he gets defensive and it seems like I only push him away. It has gotten so bad that now he leaves me angry voicemails and is even gossiping about me to others. I wish there was some way we could be closer, but I really don’t know what to do anymore. Should I just give up on having a relationship with him or stick it out and hope things improve?

Sincerely, Wishing We Could Be Closer.

Dear Wishing We Could Be Closer:

I can hear in your voice that repairing a relationship with your brother is very meaningful for you. You see your brother struggling and, being the older sibling, it is normal for you to want to try to fix his problems. However, when people are not where they want to be in life, or when they fail to meet their goals, it can make them grumpy and defensive. Perhaps the reason your brother responds to your well-intentioned advice with anger and hostility is because he’s insecure about his place in the world and lashing out at others is his way of protecting himself. It is easier and less painful to deflect hurt onto others than to look at our own actions and decisions. Next time, instead of offering advice directly, try giving some soft suggestions. Asking some small questions that build on one another is a great way to get your brother talking and allows him subtly to come up with his own ideas for positive change.

Now, I can tell the possibility of completely closing your brother out is weighing heavy on your heart. Cutting someone from your life can feel like you’re losing a part of yourself, but who says it must be all or nothing? Sometimes in order to maintain our relationships we need to have boundaries in place. This can start with placing limits on how you communicate with one another. If you’ve noticed that talking face to face can be overbearing, perhaps shifting to only phone calls or texting would be better for you. Having safeguards can allow you to care for yourself while also sustaining that lifeline. Decreasing his access to your time and energy will allow him to realize the effects his actions have on others. Keeping your brother at arm’s length may not be the ideal relationship you envisioned, but there is always the opportunity for improvement. Perhaps seeing you pull away is just the wakeup call he needs to jumpstart his self-reflection and finally bring you two closer.

Dear Nancy:

My husband and I desperately wanted a baby, and we tried for many years. I felt we were running out of options, so we reached the decision to adopt. After mentoring a foster child, we learned that we were in line to adopt a baby; however, in the eleventh hour, the parents changed their minds. Our hearts were crushed. As our hope wore thin, we finally got the chance to adopt a two-year-old girl.

I loved being a mom. Making her school lunches, taking her to dance practice; I looked forward to guiding our daughter into adult life. As she got older, she began to realize that she was different from us — she is Hispanic and we are Caucasian. By sixteen, she started on a quest to find her mother and her original family. She is very drawn to her birth family. Although I knew this day would come, I hoped she would cherish our bond. Now, at eighteen, she told us that she wants to spend her time with her new-found relatives.

My husband struggles in his own way with his emotions, but I feel like a failure. I had dreams of seeing her through college, marriage, and the birth of our grandchild. Now, we don’t know if she will ever spend a holiday with us again. I feel lost without her, wondering if she will ever come back.

Signed, Feeling Abandoned.

Dear Feeling Abandoned:

I can hear the pain you are feeling, memories of bonding with your child through daily life, watching her get on the school bus for the first time, all those treasured moments. After skinned knees and teenage crushes, you must feel she has replaced you with the birth family and the mother who gave her up. But remember, you and your husband found her at two years old. You gave her a beautiful childhood in a safe, secure, and loving home. Where would that child be if not for you and your husband? You walked with her, from soothing her broken heart to cheering her on as she found her footing in life. You gave her confidence to strike out on what must have been a bold decision to seek and find her heritage. You became the parent you wanted to be.

Ironically, your daughter cried because she felt abandoned; now you have shed your own tears, feeling abandoned by her. Kids try their wings and fly. Your daughter became curious and ventured out to find her roots. Some kids try drugs or alcohol. At her age, she’s getting a sense of who she is. Be ready for her to come back to the safe, welcoming home base you gave her and share what she has been discovering. You took the first steps of her journey with her; let her find herself. Be proud of the mom that you are and keep those future dreams with your grandkids in your heart; they will come true.

Dear Nancy:

I suffer from multiple sclerosis. At 46, I spend most of my day in bed. I went from a cane to a walker to a scooter. Sadly, I have a hard time doing anything on my own. I need help getting to the bathroom and taking showers. I can no longer drive. As a result, I’ve lost any real sense of independence I had. My kids are now adults living their own lives. I’m grateful that they grew up before the disease started affecting me, but I’m still their mom and it’s heartbreaking. I can’t make a special dinner for them or join them for an outing without a ton of help. I mostly feel like a burden to my family. I lie awake, afraid of what will happen in the future. Will I get so bad that I need to go to assisted living? Would anyone come to visit me?

When I’m on social media, I don’t tell people how bad things are. I can almost interact as a normal person. For those closest to me, there’s no denying what is coming. Although they don’t say anything, they wonder how bad it will get.

Not so long ago, I was a vibrant person, full of life. I took my kids on hiking trips, drove them to sporting events, and planned birthday celebrations. I can’t seem to find the strength to move forward knowing that things will get worse.

Signed, Feeling Like a Burden.

Dear Feeling Like a Burden:

I’m sure that even before your diagnosis you put the needs of others first. You will always be a great mom in your children’s eyes. But it may be time to focus on the ways you can be proactive in taking control over your life, especially the things that trouble you about your future.

If your disease progresses and an assisted living facility is the best choice, there are several options and you have a say about the type of facility, where, and when. For example, you could live in a group home, or you could move to an apartment designed to accommodate disabilities. The move might give you an opportunity to help older residents and restore the sense of purpose you feel is lost. If you choose to remain at home, you can hire a home health nurse, caregiver, or a volunteer who will come in and help. With support, you might find that you could turn your bedroom into an office and do a part-time remote job, or you could host a small support group for others who struggle with a disability. Also, being more forthcoming with your disability on social media could strengthen your connections, helping others to feel comfortable sharing their own struggles.

There are ways for those of us who deal with limitations to contribute. It’s important that we think beyond our regrets and fears, looking at the future with a sense of ownership over the decisions and the possibilities.

Sincerely, Nancy

Dear Nancy:

I recently found out that my business partner has been sabotaging me and our company. I thought I had made a good decision bringing him on board, but I’m second-guessing my ability to read people. I was deceived so easily and I feel like my trust in myself is on the verge of
shattering. My partner constantly talks up opportunities and connections that made me feel confident about my faith in him, but none have come through. He always reassured me that important tasks would be taken care of only for me to find out nothing had been accomplished. Now that I’ve started seeing red flags, I can’t believe I ever fell for his manipulation in the
first place. I always thought I was smarter than that. I feel completely blindsided by someone I considered a friend. The economic slumps of the last few years have already left the company on the verge of collapse and now I’m playing an even bigger game of catch-up. This entire time, I thought I was two steps ahead with enough momentum to carry the company through, but now I know my entire career is connected to, and reliant on, a liar. I’m trying to push through but I’m devastated and consumed with anxiety about how I’ll be able to pay my bills. How can I forgive myself for letting this happen and mustering the strength to pick up the broken pieces?

Sincerely, What Do I Do.

Dear What Do I Do,

I hear your devastation and understand the feeling of self-doubt clawing at you. Anytime you get stabbed in the back, it is easy to place blame on yourself, but we see all the time that people know how to put on a show. Rather than feeling guilty, try being proud that you have become awake enough to be aware of things that don’t seem quite right. Catching these errors are what makes a good businessperson. In regard to your next steps, perhaps you hire an attorney to discuss your options. Getting lawyers involved can feel scary and extreme, but focus on getting informed.

If the company cannot be salvaged with your partner, maybe it is time to venture out and start a new one. While it might seem daunting, starting fresh can give you the opportunity to begin anew. Rather than beating yourself up for missteps, be grateful your eyes are now wide open and you can move forward from a place of clarity. When you can let go, you’ll automatically feel lighter every day. It can be difficult to find motivation when you feel taken advantage of, so attempt to absorb energy from like-minded professionals to inspire you. It’s only natural that by surrounding yourself with comradery from an untrustworthy source, you feel run down. Try finding a podcast run by other leaders to guide you through this difficult time. Refocusing your attention to success and strength will increase your self-worth as you embark on this new chapter.

Sincerely, Nancy